Confessions of A Bridezilla

Confessions of a Bridezilla

First of all about 3 weeks before the wedding I went to the baker to confirm the cake and they had TOTALLY not gotten the idea of what I wanted right.  And when I told them that what they had planned was, um, WRONG and told them EXACTLY what I thought about their intelligence level they tried to tell me that I was wrong.  I'm sorry.  I'm the bride.  I am NEVER wrong.  Anyway,  I had told them REPEATEDLY that I wanted a replica of Cinderella's castle for my cake (which is a princess themed wedding...OF COURSE!!) and they CLEARLY had it confused with some other castle because the number of turrets and windows was COMPLETELY off.  WHAT IS HARD ABOUT THIS PEOPLE??!?!  UGH.  So anyway,  I told them that if it's not right I'm not giving them a dime and turned and LEFT.

I hadn't given my photographer the list of "Must Take" photos yet.  So I sat down and did some research about what other brides were getting as their "Must Have" portraits.  Well, obviously other girls are not as fabulous as I am because NO ONE was including the really amazing shots I have planned.  I'm SO unique!!  Here is my list:

- me standing by a lake with my veil blowing behind me being encircled by a magical swarm of butterflies

- my fiance bowing to me as I get out of the carriage that will bring me to the ceremony location.  (we're going a little non-traditional and everyone is going to be able to watch me arrive...they don't want to miss out on how amazing I'm going to look.)

- a wild horse standing peacefully beside me as I look off into the sunset.

- and the one that will be my favorite: my mother looking on as I am being pampered by the 4 stylists coming to prepare me for the biggest day of my life.  She will be misty eyed (but not crying...she will have just had her make up done!) and her expression will be one of unconditional love, excitement for my future, and sadness that her little girl is all grown up.

Also, my photographer will have to photoshop my left breast to be the same size as my right.

OH MY GOSH. And then there's my DRESS.  I decided to wait until 3 months before the wedding to go dress shopping to that I had lost as much weight as possible.  I just didn't think that shopping before that would be good for my delicate self image.  I mean it's SO HARD trying to get that last 5 lbs off and I REALLY need to be at 120 lbs in order to be perfect for my wedding dress!

Anyway, so we go to the store and the lady told me that 1) I wouldn't be able to order some of the dresses because they take too long to get here AND 2) They were going to charge me EXTRA MONEY to make sure it got here on time!!  So clearly I was annoyed right away.  I mean, it's MY WEDDING they can just tell the little ladies in Asia to get a move on and make my dress first since I need it RIGHT NOW.  Ugh...THEN she had the audacity to suggest I buy a gown off the rack.  Yes.  Because on on MY WEDDING DAY I want to be wearing a dress that some one else has put their skin germs on.  UM NO THANK YOU I DON'T THINK SO!
Anyway.
So I find this dress and it's AMAZING!!  And it was perfect because it ended up being on time, and like EXACTLY what I had envisioned myself wearing as I wowed my fiance and audience, I mean guests.  OH, did I mention that I am getting a PRINCESS DRESS!!  I'm so excited because more than anything I really want people to leave my wedding saying, "Disney should make a movie about HER!"  And then I'm really hoping that the videographer is able to capture the moment when I just KNOW my flower girl is going to say "I want to be just like her when I grow up!"

Really my biggest stress cause? BRIDESMAIDS.  I asked for the color of my bridesmaids dresses to be the same color as the the diary I wrote in when I was 9 when I first started dreaming about my wedding.  It's this, like, lavender, but iridescent, but kind of sparkley, but not really.  And it's been so difficult to find!!  I found one that was close as possible...so I order them for my bridesmaids right then and there!!  I called them and told them that I had ordered it for them and they owed me $500 - and needed to lose 15 pounds.  They like FREAKED OUT!? It was weird!  I was like "Hello!!  Of course I ordered them in your ideal size!  How else am I going to make sure that you lose all that weight, fatty!??!" UGH and then my MOM (who is supposed to be on MY side.  My feelings are still hurt.) told me that it was unreasonable of me to ask them all to dye their hair blonde so that the photos have continuity.  I mean, I understood when they said no to the matching tattoos of my wedding date on our lower backs, but their hair isn't PERMANENT! They can DYE IT BACK! Geez.  They are SO selfish to make me have these photos for the rest of my life of all these girls with God-knows-what color hair!

Back to the dress,  I was TOTALLY upset that the dress didn't come until like 3 weeks before the wedding.  The lady told me that I had to pay for it to get here on time and then it was LATE!!  She tried to tell me, "That's as fast as they can get a gown here for that manufacturer..." I mean I EXPEDITED the gown with MY MONEY so why in the world was it SO LATE?!?! And then when the seamstress said that it was plenty of time I was like, "Maybe for you, lady, but I'm in the middle of planning a WEDDING in case you didn't know! I don't have TIME FOR THIS!!  I don't CARE who else is getting gowns my wedding is A PRINCESS WEDDING for a reason!  So of course I expect mine to be the most important."  I feel this is completely reasonable.

But really the most ridiculous thing that happened was all because of my unbelievably self centered future sister-in-law.  She decided (after she knew last year I might be getting engaged) to get PREGNANT.  If she wanted to be a bridesmaid she should have thought about that BEFORE she decided to "start a family".  I mean, how could she expect to be in my wedding WITH THAT BELLY?!?!? Ew.  Baby schmaby!  I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR EXCUSES FOR BEING FAT.

So here are some photos that we took...

This is my dress!!  I fee like a Princess!!!

I made sure my dad got me this necklace from a little store in Italy that I found on line...for half price! $250!!

I'm just looking forward to the day of the wedding when all these people who have been jerks to me all come together in song to apologize to me in a choreographed, broadway style performance at the reception...I actually think that Kristen Chenoweth should play me...

I'm going to put the word out to my bridesmaids, mom, sorority, all dad's work friends, and all my fiance's e-mail contacts about how amazing MY WEDDING is going to be and that if they don't come they're going to regret it FOREVER.  And if that nasty Kim Kardashian thinks that she can set her wedding for the SAME DAY AS MINE and get away with it, she's got a rude surprise awaiting her.  (I sent a DM on Twitter about my date...she totally copied me.) I changed my date because of her.  No WAY am I sharing an anniversary with ANYONE!!